7/10/2010 - Nicky's first birthday

Well, tomorrow should have been a very happy day. I should have been watching my son turn one, helping him make a mess of his birthday cake, and introducing him to his hot wheels. Unfortunately, we will be celebrating his memory instead. Thanks to my daughter's innocent, yet brilliant idea a couple of months back, we've decided that the best way to celebrate Nicky's birthday is to say a little prayer and let some balloons go. It's hard to believe that it's already been a year, it seems to me like it's been a lifetime.

Below is the poem that I wrote for Nicky's memorial service. It's still the best way I can tell him how much he is loved and missed.

We miss you Nicky - Mommy, Daddy, and Kaylee.


Dearest Nicky,

For nine happy months,
We waited with joy,
For the expected arrival,
Of our darling baby boy.

We started the day,
With such anxious glee,
But our dream of you, son,
Just couldn’t be.

Your heartbeat, they said,
They just couldn’t find,
In the right spot they weren’t looking,
It was in here, with mine.

We’d picked out a name,
Nicholas Stephen, we’d call you,
We knew that it fit,
From the moment we saw you.

So pretty and perfect,
A true sight to behold,
For just one day together,
My world, I’d have sold.

God’s thoughts and his plans
I don’t venture to know,
But of something so perfect,
He just couldn’t let go.

A treasure so great,
Not meant for this Earth,
We’ll love you forever,
For all that we’re worth.

So with God don’t be angry,
And please don’t be sad,
For I’d bet on my life,
He knows more than dad.

I know that you’ve gone,
But your not far away,
And we promise to love you,
Each and every day.

So from up there in Heaven,
Please help ease our pain,
Until as a family,
We’re together again.

On that day that we meet,
We’ll walk hand in hand,
Just like I’d pictured,
Just like I’d planned.

These lines that I write,
Are washed with great sorrow,
But with hope I am looking,
Towards a better tomorrow.

The depths of our love,
I truly hope that you know,
You’ll be with us always,
Wherever we go.